"Consider this logic," he wrote. "Pit bulls bite more than other dogs. Conclusion: Ban pit bulls. Dogs bite more than cats. Conclusion: Ban all dogs. Dogs and cats bite more than other pets. Conclusion: Ban all cats and dogs. Pets bite more than furniture. Conclusion: Ban all pets. Furniture with sharp corners cause toe stubs more than love-sacks. Conclusion: Ban all solid furniture. Love-sacks can trip you when walking in the dark. Conclusion: Ban all objects and only allow level ground carpeted flooring. Carpet can cause more rug burns than simply walking on clouds. Conclusion: We should all walk on clouds. Cloud walking can only be achieved by taking drugs. Conclusion: Legalize LSD."
How is that for logic? This guy is the mayor.
Beware of soda-packing journalists • Board members of the Utah Headliners Chapter of the Society of Professional Journalists discovered Saturday when they held a boot camp for budding journalists that they were purveyors of forbidden contraband.
Heroin? No. Crystal meth? Nope. Non-Utah-stamped alcoholic beverages? Uh-uh. Beer kegs? Hardly.
They brought (shrill, spooky music would be appropriate here) sandwiches and, gasp, Coca-Cola.
The workshops for about 60 young Utah journalists were held in the Sorensen Student Center at Utah Valley University. Rather than force the attendees to buy lunch during the daylong event, board members brought in sandwiches and liters of Coke, Sprite and other soft drinks.
During the meal, UVU employees approached them, noting they didn't have permission to serve food and insisting the soft drinks be removed pronto.
Why? Turns out, UVU is a Pepsi campus. The Orem school has a contract with that soft-drink maker. UVU gets the drinks for food services at a discount in return for exclusive use of Pepsi products.
The rule even applies, apparently, when outside groups reserve space and bring their own drinks.
So those booking events at UVU can bring concealed guns to campus, thanks to Utah law, but sandwiches and Cokes are taboo.
The imperial parking lot? Hundreds of daily visitors to the Utah Capitol during the legislative session scramble to find parking places with the limited number of stalls available. Most end up parking on residential streets in the neighborhood above the Capitol and walking blocks to observe and participate in our representative democracy.
Some are miffed when they walk past the lower east parking lot next to the Capitol complex and pass 15 to 20 empty parking spaces reserved for Gov. Gary Herbert's Cabinet members, who come sporadically during the session.
Twenty stalls have always been reserved for the Cabinet, but until this year the sign has been generic. While most of the spots are empty during the day, visitors have parked in some of them with impunity, as long as some stalls remained available for whichever Cabinet member arrives.
This year, each stall has a laminated sticker designating a particular Cabinet member, sending visitors the message that if that official arrives and his stall is taken, even with many empty ones around it, the violator could get towed.
Hence, 15 or more empty stalls every day.
The governor's communications director, Marty Carpenter, says Cabinet members are called on to testify at legislative committee meetings, sometimes more than once a day. So they need guaranteed parking spaces to get in and out quickly.
The fact that some visitors have seen fit to violate the reserved-parking restriction in the past, he says, does not make them sympathetic victims.