And though she liked to pretend otherwise, Nancy Rougle knew, too. Her son feared that this would be his final combat tour and had told her so.
They all knew the cost of war.
"But not like this," sighed Ismael Rougle as he struggled to consider a world without his eldest son, Larry. "No, not like this."
Ismael Rougle learned Tuesday afternoon that his son, a 25-year-old U.S. Army sniper, had been shot in the stomach and killed in Afghanistan's volatile Kunar Province. On Wednesday afternoon, the grieving father was bent under the hood of an old truck, his oil-stained hands contorted behind the leaky radiator as he recalled the day his then-17-year-old son had come home to say that he was going to join the Army.
"I'd never suggested it," said Ismael Rougle, who had served 25 years in the Army. "But he had it in his mind that this is what he wanted to do. And he was so proud."
That was in 1999. And though Ismael Rougle knew all too well the consequences of war, his nation wasn't at war.
"I thought it was a good idea," the 61-year-old maintenance man for the U.S. Postal Service said.
Two years later, in the wake of the attacks of Sept. 11, 2001, Larry Rougle departed for his first combat tour. He was 19.
Over the six years that have followed, family members said, Larry Rougle served two more tours in Afghanistan and three in Iraq.
"Six tours," Ismael Rougle said. "Six."
Family members say Larry Rougle never complained about being called away from home, not even after his then-wife gave birth to a daughter, Carmin Jade, now 3 years old.
He loved the girl more than anything, they said, but remained proud to serve and committed to victory.
Along the way, he confided in his uncle, Gulf War veteran Fernando Lopez, about his passion for fighting, his experiences under fire and his fears about the future.
"Unless you've been there during the time when the bullets are flying past, you just can't know what it's like," Lopez said. "So we talked about his various experiences. He would talk and I'd listen."
When Larry Rougle visited his family in Utah last spring, he told his mother that he was returning to Afghanistan again.
"He told me that he didn't think that he would be making it home this time," Nancy Rougle said. "I said, 'No, no, let's not talk about it.' I didn't want to believe it."
But Larry Rougle was determined to prepare his family for the worst. "Afghanistan is more dangerous than Iraq," younger brother David Rougle said. "That is what he told me."
Indeed, relative to the size of the forces in both nations, coalition troops in Afghanistan have suffered greater numbers of casualties than their counterparts in Iraq in each of the past three months.
Rougle is the sixth Utahn to die in the Afghanistan conflict. His death brings to 193 the number of coalition forces killed in Afghanistan so far this year, making this the deadliest year for U.S. and allied troops since the war began in 2001.
Though David Rougle had never served in the military, he also had some understanding of the consequences of war - some context in which to place his brother's grave predictions.
As a ramp worker at Salt Lake City International Airport, he'd watched the flag-draped caskets of several service members roll out from the bellies of passenger aircraft.
But he never thought his brother would be inside of one of the boxes. "Never," David Rougle said. "Not for a moment. I thought he was coming home."
Back under the hood of the truck, perhaps simply happy for the distraction it presented, Ismael Rougle sighed again.
"Until it is your own family," he said, "you really don't know."