This is an archived article that was published on sltrib.com in 2012, and information in the article may be outdated. It is provided only for personal research purposes and may not be reprinted.
While I'm away, readers give the advice.
On the curiously combustible mix of weddings and vegetables • I am a major meat-eater, but I think if the couple getting married do not feel it is ethical to spend their money on meat, they should not be asked to serve it. One meatless meal is not going to kill anyone. My niece was not only a vegetarian but a vegan. Before her wedding, my brothers and I joked that we might be running out for a burger after the reception, but actually the food was delicious. The couple's parents may think it is rude for the couple to impose their dietary restrictions on others. Well, I think it's rude for the parents to impose theirs on the bride and groom. If the dietary restrictions were for a religious reason, I don't think anyone would be trying to tell the couple what should be served.
On prenups • I did not have one in my first marriage; in retrospect, I wish I had not because I would have emerged with more of our resources when we divorced, but because it would have greatly reduced the combat into which I was forced, and its cost, when my former wife left, rejected mediation and employed a take-no-prisoners attorney. I had to hire an expensive attorney to obtain the settlement terms that two reasonable people would have reached, or would have been reached in mediation, and both of us were the poorer as a result a foolish and unnecessary outcome. I believe two honest, caring people can go into marriage with the best of intentions, having done loving, due diligence to determine if either is a wolf in sheep's clothing and still have one become somebody very different, for any of a number of possible reasons. All people change over time; life NEVER stands still for anyone. A prenup, if fairly drawn in good faith by both partners, can protect the one who remains reasonable. I think it would be far healthier if executing a prenup became an accepted part of a mature couple's preparation for marriage. It would help catalyze a thorough conversation about finances that every couple should have before marriage.
Carolyn Hax's column runs Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays.