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Listening to bad Christmas music is almost enough to make one convert to Judaism.
So, in an effort to help Sen. Chris Buttars get people in the Christmas spirit, Tribune staff writers listened to as many new Christmas albums as they could.
Luckily, none of the efforts turned out to be as excruciatingly bad as Paul McCartney's single "A Wonderful Christmas Time," but in some cases it was close. Too close.
Here are short reviews and grades of all the Christmas albums we were sent this year. And one message to the record labels: Please don't send us so many next year.
Ashton Allen, "The Christmas Songs"
Grade » B+
This combination of traditional Christmas songs and romantic ballads features six originals, including "When It Starts to Snow," "West Coast Christmas" and "Until Christmas." Allen delivers an easy-to-listen collection of old holiday favorites with the same ease as the new additions he makes to the holiday song list.
-- Roxana Orellana
Tony Bennett featuring the Count Basie Big Band, "A Swingin' Christmas"
Grade » B-
If you like Tony Bennett and a Big Band sound, then you might enjoy this CD. Bennett doesn't seem to be putting a lot of effort into this mostly standard fare, but that's part of his charm. The duet "I've Got My Love to Keep Me Warm" with Antonia Bennett is the only slightly original song in the collection.
-- Tom Wharton
Alison Brown Quartet, "Evergreen"
Grade » C-
Ever wonder what that mutant kid from "Deliverance" should listen to this Christmas, provided he has lived this long? It's this collection of 10 tracks led by Grammy Award-winning banjo player Alison Brown. Surprisingly, it's a tame collection, suited more for the food court than booming from your 5.1-channel surround sound system.
-- David Burger
Wayne Burton, "This Night: The Christmas Collection"
Grade » A-
Burton may not be as well-known as many artists with Christmas albums, but this one is a winner, a wonderful mix of old and new that counts as easy listening. "When Christmas Comes to Town" from "The Polar Express" is a nice cut, but the whole thing comes together nicely for folks looking to mix some familiar songs such as "O Little Town of Bethlehem" with some beautiful, less familiar works.
-- Tom Wharton
Mary Chapin Carpenter, "Twelve Songs of Christmas"
Grade » B
The country songstress tacks from the norm by recording six original compositions as well as six more new or rarely recorded tunes such as "Once in Royal David's City" and "Hot Buttered Rum." She keeps the accompaniment simple and eschews orchestras and choirs. Carpenter, who has memorably covered Lucinda Williams, seems to have learned that songwriter's gift for details: Hearing Carpenter's joy at receiving the Beatles' White Album for Christmas in "Christmas Carol" is a good example of this pleasing album.
-- David Burger
Kristin Chenoweth, "A Lovely Way to Spend Christmas"
Grade » C+
This compilation of mostly old favorites mixed with a few more unusual songs, such as "Christmas Island," is pleasant enough, but nothing really stands out. A couple of songs such as "What a Wonderful World" and "Sing" are a stretch as holiday tunes but nice nonetheless.
-- Tom Wharton
Erran Baron Cohen, "Songs in the Key of Hanukkah"
Grade » A+
This year's dance-floor remix of traditional tunes provides a hip-hop Hanukkah with funky bass lines and cool tuba riffs that will get your kids dancing. With the dearth of good Hanukkah music, this one is in no way condescending, though. Adults will enjoy having their music mixed up with Klezmer and modernized. No more simple "Dreidel, dreidel, dreidel" here.
-- Julie Checkoway
Natalie Cole, "Caroling, Caroling Christmas"
Grade » B+
Though a bit uneven -- the "Joy to the World" arrangement doesn't work -- and only featuring eight songs, this remains one of the better new Christmas releases. The "Christmas Song" duet with dad Nat "King" Cole and the London Symphony Orchestra is a classic, while "The Little Boy Santa Forgot" offers a fun listen. Cole's voice is a wonderful instrument.
-- Tom Wharton
Sheryl Crow, "Home for Christmas "
Grade » A
"Blue Christmas" isn't quite as blue when sung by Sheryl Crow. It's obvious Crow enjoys singing about the holidays, and that point is driven home in her original "There Is a Star That Shines Tonight."
-- Brett Prettyman
Enya, "And Winter Came"
Grade » A
You can't really go wrong with an Enya winter/Christmas album. Her soothing voice, mixed with New Age instrumentation, isn't only relaxing but uplifting. Highlights on the 12-track set include "Last Time by Moonlight," "The Spirit of Christmas Past" and a new version of "Silent Night" as "Oiche Chiúin [chorale]."
-- Roxana Orellana
Béla Fleck and the Flecktones, "Jingle All the Way"
Grade » B
You have to love Christmas songs with a banjo: That alone is worth the price. "Danse of the Sugar Plum Fairies" is a particularly fun piece. "Linus and Lucy," a remake of the original written by Vince Guaraldi for "A Charlie Brown Christmas," brings smiles and holiday memories for the children of the late '60s and '70s.
-- Brett Prettyman
Aretha Franklin, "This Christmas"
Grade » B+
This is the overdue first Christmas album of Aretha Franklin's career, only available at Borders. You'll wish this had been recorded when she was at her peak, as her voice sounds tentative. But a tentative Aretha is still sublime, especially on a radically inventive "Ave Maria." This also is one of the few albums to have a flash of humor, with a hilarious adaptation of "?'Twas the Night Before Christmas" complete with a bleeped "s---."
-- David Burger
Faith Hill, Joy to the World
Grade » B+
Don't expect much in the way of country from this country star's first Christmas effort. That said, this is a perfect all-purpose CD if you're looking for Christmas classics. The one original song on the CD, "A Baby Changes Everything," is a good effort, though it suffers from overproduction.
-- Tom Wharton
Bishop T.D. Jakes, "The Gift That Remains"
Grade » D-
Bishop T.D. Jakes, pastor of The Potter's House, a 30,000-member church in Dallas, doesn't sing but includes the voices of Brian McKnight, BeBe Winans, Mary Mary and others in standard songs. These are overblown, overly orchestrated numbers that reek of pomp and laziness. There is nothing new under the sun here. Get thee away from me, Bishop.
-- David Burger
Al Jarreau, "Christmas"
Grade » B
Jarreau puts his musical spin on mostly holiday classics, creating a slightly jazzy offering with some good instrumental work and fine, distinctive vocals. A nice choice as a backdrop to enjoy some quiet time in front of the fire and Christmas tree.
-- Tom Wharton
Ledisi, "It's Christmas"
Grade » C
The jazz-influenced R&B singer nominated in 2008 for two Grammys (Best New Artist and Best R&B Album) presents a collection of standards and originals. But can an original song featuring the lyrics "Stars shine bright in the evening / Children laughter / Snowflakes fall / Santa's coming" really be considered "original"? The album is pleasant enough, but hardly a revelation.
-- David Burger
Los Lonely Boys, "Christmas Spirit"
Grade » C+
The Garza brothers recorded two original songs ("I've Longed for Christmas" and "She'll Be My Everything for Christmas") to go along with eight others, including, of course, "Feliz Navidad." This is one of the bluesier albums of this year's bunch, and the boys are most successful on the high-tempo numbers that emphasize their energetic fingers. But on songs like "Away in a Manger," when the Garzas are forced to sing -- not their strong point -- there's no wonder they could be lonely this time of year.
-- David Burger
Yo-Yo Ma & Friends, "Songs of Joy & Peace"
Grade » A
For a diverse holiday collection, turn to Yo-Yo Ma & Friends. The recording and compilation are top-notch. The 22-song CD includes "Here Comes the Sun" with James Taylor, "The Wexford Carol" with Alison Krauss, "Couldn't Be Cuter" with Diana Krall and "This Little Light of Mine." A beautiful effort worthy of every Christmas collection.
-- Brett Prettyman
Mannheim Steamroller, "Christmasville"
Grade » D
Though Chip Davis and Mannheim Steamroller are among the best -selling Christmas album producers of all time, this new effort based loosely on Dr. Seuss' How the Grinch Stole Christmas! just doesn't work. The songs are unfamiliar and there are more vocals than in a normal Steamroller effort. If you like this genre of synthesized music, find another Steamroller effort in a more traditional vein.
-- Tom Wharton
Martha's Trouble, "This Christmas"
Grade » B-
This album from the Auburn folk-pop group gets docked a point for recording the abysmal Paul McCartney song "A Wonderful Christmas Time," and is docked more points for having only two original songs on this short eight-song collection of standards. The original songs sound the best, with a rollicking jingle-jangle vibe. It won't make you think of the smell of a Christmas tree, but possibly a pine-scented floor cleaner.
-- David Burger
Loreena McKennitt, "A Midwinter Night's Dream"
Grade » B-
This Christmas album lengthens, by eight tracks, the Canadian harpist and singer's five-song 1995 EP, "A Winter Garden." The soprano had a 1997 hit, "The Mummers' Dance," defining her style that continues to this album: Celtic airiness with Middle Eastern influences. Most of the songs have an ethereal sound seemingly perfect for courtly dancing in a castle in the 17th century. Hey, at least it's different.
-- David Burger
Brian McKnight, "I'll Be Home for Christmas"
Grade » B
Look out, Mrs. Santa Claus, rhythm-and-blues crooner Brian McKnight is on the prowl. These Christmas songs are great warm-up music for a romantic night at home with Mr. Claus. Sultry, seductive, and definitely for the "girl" in you.
-- Julie Checkoway
Mormon Tabernacle Choir featuring the King's Singers, "Rejoice and Be Merry"
Grade » A-
Britain's always-charming King's Singers are the guests on the 2007 edition of the Tabernacle Choir's Christmas extravaganza. This one is a must for choir buffs, if only for the sextet's sublime rendition of "O Holy Night" with the men of the choir (featuring some part writing by Mack Wilberg that will make your jaw drop) and organist Richard Elliott's tour de force on "I Saw Three Ships." You probably will want the DVD version as well, to get the full benefit of the imaginative presentation of "The Twelve Days of Christmas" with Susan Memmott Allred's clever costumes.
-- Catherine Reese Newton
Annie Moses Band, "This Glorious Christmas"
Grade » B
This mixture of a few new tunes coupled with classics such as "What Child Is This" and "We Three Kings" works well, featuring string instrumentation and classic style and beautiful vocals. It's the kind of CD that works well in the background or can be enjoyable even when the volume is turned up.
-- Tom Wharton
New Kids on the Block, "Merry, Merry Christmas"
Grade » D
This reissued effort is, in a word, boring. The arrangements are not particularly interesting, and the band often sounds like a knockoff of the Jackson Five. Recommended only for those who really, really like New Kids on the Block.
-- Tom Wharton
Rahsaan Patterson, "The Ultimate Gift"
Grade » B+
Patterson's Christmas album for the most part has a good sound and great flavor with a variety of classics and original songs. His version of "Little Drummer Boy" is fun, catchy and fresh, and so is "Peace and Joy." The mix offers a variety of sounds from more smooth, soulful R&B to tropical beats to disco.
-- Roxana Orellana
Collin Raye, "A Family Christmas"
Grade » C+
The country singer with a smooth tenor, a Utah transplant, puts out a warm but otherwise humdrum album of perhaps the 10 most overplayed Christmas carols ever sung. He sounds devoted and invested in these songs during the live concert setting, but it's disappointing to see him perform standards with nary a challenge or unexpected moment. But he sells out his Utah concerts every year, so I must be missing something. Sorry to be the Scrooge.
-- David Burger
Relient K, "Let It Snow … Let It Reindeer"
Grade » B-
This is not your normal Christmas album. Instead, with its punk rock and pop sound, this offers remakes of the classics as you've never heard them. While some of the songs are refreshing, such as "I Celebrate the Day," "Boxing Day" and "12 Days of Christmas," others don't really quite do much for the listener.
-- Roxana Orellana
Josh Rosenthal, "Narratives: A Christmas Album"
Grade » B-
This short Christmas album by Rosenthal, a local artist, creates a nice background. The album tells common stories of ordinary people and feelings that can surface during a time that can be full of cheer or sadness, and is a bit melancholic at times, such as during the track "Before I Go." Overall, the plus is that it doesn't have a typical Christmas sound.
-- Roxana Orellana
Neil Sedaka, "The Miracle of Christmas"
Grade » F
Run, do not walk from these two discs. Disc one is Neil Sedaka's biggest musical mistake: Original Christmas songs from this son of Jewish-Turkish immigrants is just too much of a stretch. And the second disc makes you wail "Oy gevalt" when Sedaka does the usual Bing Crosby repertoire in his unsuited falsetto.
-- Julie Checkoway
Spyro Gyra, "A Night Before Christmas"
Grade » A-
A very jazzy Spyro Gyra produced a solid holiday collection highlighted by the rediscovered "Baby It's Cold Outside." Janis Siegel, founding member of The Manhattan Transfer, sings the duet with Spyro's Bonny B. The album has been nominated for a Grammy.
-- Brett Prettyman
Straight No Chaser, "Holiday Spirits"
Grade » B+
Indiana University's 10-member a cappella group had a viral YouTube hit with its funny rendition of "The 12 Days of Christmas," which is included here in a live version. The recording doesn't match the humor of the visuals, but any song that evolves (devolves?) into Toto's "Africa" and includes a bit of the Dreidel Song is worth the price. The singers are clever and at ease on uptempo and slow songs, and this provides a welcome addition to a crowded field of holiday albums.
-- David Burger
Rosie Thomas, "A Very Rosie Christmas"
Grade » D+
No, this collection isn't that Rosie, which is a good thing. This Rosie is a Michigan singer-songwriter most famous for a prank she pulled on Pitchfork magazine claiming to be pregnant with Sufjan Stevens' child. The many original songs are tepid and slick, and the album is plain boring. Maybe Rosie O'Donnell would have been better.
-- David Burger
Various Artists, "All Wrapped Up!"
Grade » C
This short Disney collection is a mixed bag: seven songs from Miley Cyrus, the Jonas Brothers and Demi Lovato, among others. Nick Jonas is especially screeching in his singing on "Joy to the World," somehow titled "Joyful Kings," and Lovato is the only good thing on a painfully slick "A Wonderful Christmas Time." On the other hand, Cyrus' "Santa Claus Is Comin' to Town" is energetic and perky. The rest is unremarkable but mildly diverting, with the Plain White T's probably wondering how they ended up on this disc.
-- David Burger
Various Artists, "Little Steven's Underground Garage Presents Christmas A Go-Go"
Grade » A
The best Christmas album of the year, put together by Little Steven of the E Street Band. A short list of some of the rocking performers on this 20-track collection: Keith Richards, Bob Seger, Darlene Love with the E Street Band, Brian Setzer Orchestra, Clarence Carter, the Ramones, the Kinks and the Beatles tribute band The Fab Four, with its ingenious mash-up of "Silent Night" and "Norwegian Wood (This Bird Has Flown)." With very few standards, this album has only a few duds (Joe Pesci? Soupy Sales?) but plenty of verve. Pray the shopping malls follow suit.
-- David Burger
Various Artists, "This Warm December: A Brushfire Holiday Vol. 1"
Grade » B+
Those in search of a hip Christmas might try this effort overseen by Brushfire founder and main artist Jack Johnson. This is an interesting, if mellow, holiday album. Johnson's fans might enjoy his version of "Rudolph, The Red Nosed Reindeer," but the disc's highlight is Neil Halstead's touching version of "The Man in the Santa Suit."
-- Scott Murphy
Various Artists, "We Wish You a Metal Xmas and a Headbanging New Year"
Grade » B
At first blush, this CD decorated with skeletons dressed up in Santa's hat seems like a ghastly joke. A bunch of metal stars such as Alice Cooper, Chucky Billy of Testament, Tommy Shaw of Styx, Ronnie James Dio of Black Sabbath and Stephen Pearcy of Ratt put a heavy-metal touch of Christmas classics. Traditionalists will despise it, but metalheads will laugh and enjoy. You have to hear Billy's version of "Silent Night" to believe it.
-- Tom Wharton
Dan Waldis, "A Little Jazz With Your Misletoe"
Grade » B-
The local arranger has the talented singer Melissa Pace sing on his album of jazzy interpretations of Christmas standards. Jazz is one of the best ways to hear Christmas songs because of the varying ways the songs can be played, and this upbeat collection, with saxophones, bass, drums and piano, is no different. Waldis includes a twist and novel approach to nearly every track. While it isn't groundbreaking, it is a fun collection.
-- David Burger
Anna Wilson, "Yule Swing"
Grade » B+
If you want to pre-emptively strike against hearing "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" for the umpteenth time out of your stereo, "Yule Swing," a 10-track holiday collection from part-time Utah resident Anna Wilson, should be your pick. The singer shows off the jazzy side she showcased at her heralded Park City Jazz Festival debut last summer. It's a fun, brassy and yes, swinging, Christmas album that will earn raves from your house guests who are also tired of decking the halls.
-- David Burger