This is an archived article that was published on sltrib.com in 2017, and information in the article may be outdated. It is provided only for personal research purposes and may not be reprinted.

Dear Ann Cannon • Recently I read through some journals I kept during a particularly difficult period for our family. Journaling was excellent therapy for me at the time, but now I would hate for loved ones to read some of the things I wrote. Should I keep the journals or toss them?

— Dithering

Dear Dithering • This reminds me of the conversation Harry and Bess Truman had when Harry caught Bess in the act of destroying their love letters.

"What are you doing? Think of history," he said, aghast.

"Oh," she replied. "I have."

Not that I was there, of course, but you get the point.

I'm guessing I'm going to be in the minority here — and I do welcome contrasting points of view — but I'm Team Bess on this one.

It's possible, of course, to argue that a journal detailing rough times and raw feelings may provide guidance to future readers as they face their own challenges. But words can also cause damage and give a distorted view of a situation, especially if those words were typically written in anger or despair.

Instead of hanging onto the journals themselves, think about doing something like this — pull out the pieces you want to preserve. Use them to write short sketches about certain episodes in your life. Or write a brief life history like the one my grandfather wrote. He lived to be 90, but his life history is four pages long.

Should you sugarcoat your experiences? Unless you're writing your family's annual Christmas letter, I vote "no." Write about all of your experiences, good and bad. Doing so from a distance, however, will allow you to paint a more balanced and nuanced picture.

Finally, you can redact the parts you don't want people to see. JUST LIKE THE GOVERNMENT.

It's your call. They're your journals.

—

Dear Ann Cannon • How long should I keep dyeing my hair? Lately my girlfriends are all letting themselves go gray. They look like raccoons.

— Grouchy About Gray Hair

Dear Grouchy about Gray Hair • I firmly believe a woman should do WHATEVER she wants to do with her hair WHENEVER she wants to do it — even if her mother disagrees with her choices (I'm looking at you, Mom). If dyeing your hair makes you happy, go for it!

—

Dear Ann Cannon • My husband and I have been together longer than the Mississippi River. I learned quickly to accept him as a taciturn man and grew accustomed to him rarely or ever speaking. Since retiring, he's become more verbal. He talks of sports, his ever-changing aches and pains, his weird dreams and why he did or did not have a good night's sleep — all of which I have limited interest in. How do I tell him, without hurting his feelings, that I liked it better when he didn't talk?

— Wow! I Didn't See This One Coming

Dear Wow! • Funny you should ask this. Just the other day while I was shopping, I overheard one customer tell another customer (we were standing in the checkout line together) that six months after her husband retired, she went out and found herself a job — just to keep her sanity. So that's one solution.

Maybe you could steer the conversation with your husband in another direction? Talk about something that you're both interested in? I suspect, however, that neither of you is actually interested in conversing. You want different things. He wants you to be the audience for his monologue. You want a little peace and quiet.

Here's the deal. I'm not sure you can tell your husband you liked him better when he didn't talk without hurting his feelings to some degree. You'll have to decide how much his silence is worth to you. If you do decide to bring up the subject, proceed with kindness

I'm sorry. That's all I've got on this one. Maybe our readers will have some better suggestions.

Readers? What's your advice?

Do you have a question for Ann? Send it to askann@sltrib.com or visit the Ask Ann Cannon page on Facebook.