This is an archived article that was published on sltrib.com in 2006, and information in the article may be outdated. It is provided only for personal research purposes and may not be reprinted.
I was going to ask some athletes for their New Year's resolutions, but after several responded with clichés such as "become a better person," or "make the world a better place," I bagged that idea.
I decided, instead, that it would be a lot more fun to make resolutions for various sports figures myself. Here you go. . . .
For BYU quarterback John Beck: Walk taller now that the monkey is off your back.
For Jazz center Mehmet Okur: Promise to teach teammates the secret to making three-pointers with the game on the line.
For RSL forward Jeff Cunningham: "Love myself more."
For RSL owner Dave Checketts: Forget your dream of winning the Stanley Cup, sell the NHL's St. Louis Blues and use the profits to finance this soccer stadium all by yourself.
For Tiger Woods, who dominated golf like no other this year: Learn to share.
For college sports fans who believe going to a playoff system in football will produce a national championship without controversy: Don't whine when the brackets for March Madness are announced and watch with particular interest when the pairings for that 65th seed are released.
For Cowboys receiver Terrell Owens: Shut up and learn to catch again.
For Jazz owner Larry H. Miller: Promise to make the term "nuclear dump" sound more inviting.
For BYU basketball coach Dave Rose: A Mountain West title in Provo.
For Detroit Tigers pitcher Kenny Rogers: Develop and market colorless pine tar to sell to fellow pitchers.
For Nuggets guard Allen Iverson: Be happy.
For RSL coach John Ellinger: Find a way to keep Freddy Adu in Salt Lake and away from Europe after he turns 18.
For NBA commissioner David Stern: Say no
the next time someone suggests a "slight" equipment change.
For Indianapolis quarterback Peyton Manning: Win a championship.
For the MLB players' union: Wise up and cooperate with federal authorities who want access to the names of players who have tested positive for steroids.
For Utah athletic director Chris Hill: Find a way to disguise all the empty seats in Rice-Eccles Stadium during football games.
For Miami Heat center Shaquille O'Neal: Hug Phil Jackson.
For Tour de France winner Floyd Landis: Write a book of 101 excuses for athletes to use when they fail drug tests and market your own brand of whiskey to go with it.
For USC's football team: Beat UCLA.
For Giants slugger Barry Bonds: Some humility.
For Michigan football coach Lloyd Carr: Say you're happy with the BCS system, right up until the final standings are announced, then suddenly decide you don't like it.
For Isiah Thomas, perhaps soon-to-be ex-president and ex-coach of the struggling New York Knicks: Read a book on how to run a successful business.
For Jazz coach Jerry Sloan: Move Utah's training camp to San Antonio so your team can learn how to play in that city.
For Utah basketball coach Ray Giacoletti: Recruit better.
For Big Ben Roethlisberger: Mend.
For Florida football coach Urban Meyer: Buy a bigger house with your bonuses - a $250,000 incentive for coaching Florida for two full seasons, $150,000 for coaching the Gators to the BCS title game, $75,000 for winning the SEC title, $50,000 if the Gators finish in the top 10 and $100,000 if the Gators win the national title.
For MWC Commissioner Craig Thompson: Your own TV network.
For Andrei Kirilenko, who has taken more shots to his mouth than a boxer this year: Find a good dentist.
For the Oregon Ducks: Get some new uniforms, 100-plus combinations just aren't enough. BYU blue isn't a color option.
* LYA WODRASKA
For Jazz coach Jerry Sloan: Move Utah's training camp to San Antonio so your team can learn how to play in that city