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And now, ladies and gentlemen, join us for another episode of Has-Been Theater.
"Harry Loves Lisa" is the latest in a long line of "reality" shows featuring faded stars struggling to regain lost glory. But there's something refreshing about this one — spouses Harry Hamlin and Lisa Rinna make no bones about the fact that their careers have faded and they're trying to get back into show biz.
So, when no one seems to be all that interested in hiring Hamlin (People magazine's "sexiest man alive" in 1987) and Rinna ("Days of Our Lives," "Melrose Place"), they hired themselves. And got TV Land to buy the show, which debuts Wednesday at 11 p.m.
What they're hoping is that "Harry Loves Lisa" will recall classic 1950s sitcoms like "Ozzie & Harriet," "Father Knows Best" and, yes, "I Love Lucy."
"I recognize how zany Lisa can be at times," Hamlin said. "And she has some peculiarities, which are, in some ways, a mirror of Lucy. We have a retail store, and we're always trying to make that business work. And there is one crazy thing after another happening in that situation."
So, for the past couple of years, they've been trying to launch a comedy that reflected the comedy in their lives. They pitched it to various producers and networks under the title "I Love Lisa."
"It's morphed since then somewhat," he said. "But I've never seen a reality show, so I don't have anything to compare it to." Rinna added: "And I've seen all of them."
Which is just one of the ways these two are opposites who attracted. Hamlin never even watched himself on "Dancing With the Stars" because he doesn't like watching reality TV.
"Call me crazy. I'm doing it, but I don't really want to watch it," Hamlin said, expressing distaste for shows in which bad behavior is glorified.
He added: "I find it somewhat disturbing that that's what is drawing the audience. When we came up with the concept for this show, it was much more of a wholesome family type show. I'm hoping that that's what we have. It's funny, it's endearing, it's comedic, and hopefully it's emotional at the same time."
It's not exactly a '50s sitcom, however. Hamlin and Rinna both get bleeped for their language, and Hamlin tells penis jokes while doing standup. (Really. He does standup comedy.)
Episode 1 revolves around Hamlin auditioning for a TV show. And Rinna getting in trouble with the tabloid media because she doesn't know enough to keep her mouth shut.
"This is all you need to really know about me. I was an only child," Rinna said. "Doesn't that tell you so much? ... I was the center of attention."
"And remains so today," Hamlin interjected.
"We are very, very different, I will tell you that," Rinna said. "I'm loud. I'm bubbly."
Not that that bothers him.
"I don't want [her] to turn it down," Hamlin said. "I say, 'Keep it going, baby.' Because I'll fall asleep. I need to have somebody pumping me up all the time."
"He never tries to rein me in, actually," Rinna said. "I mean, the kids get a little embarrassed by my enthusiasm. They're, like, 'Mom, don't sing, don't dance. Please, just walk in the room and don't say a word.'"
Their daughters — Delilah, 11, and Amelia, 9 — aren't in the show a lot. But they are in it, despite their parents' reservations.
"I mean, we do have daughters. And this is, quote-unquote, a reality show, so we can't avoid the fact that they're there," Hamlin said. "But they're not featured in it, they sort of come in and out."
How real this reality show is is open to debate. One thing it won't be is the couple completely opening their lives to the cameras.
"Well, it's not really laying it all out there," Hamlin said. "What we have done is we wanted … to create something together."
"It was so much fun from start to finish," Rinna said. "So overall, it turned out to be the greatest thing ever."
Especially if it helps either of them land an acting job.