This is an archived article that was published on sltrib.com in 2017, and information in the article may be outdated. It is provided only for personal research purposes and may not be reprinted.
Our increase in Utah's youth suicides is a community problem and it requires a community solution. It is something we can all help with. It is something we all need to help with.
It is a known fact that the demographic at highest risk for suicide are those that are LGBTQ. It is important to know that most people experience little or no sense of choice in being LGBTQ.
I asked a large group of parents what their greatest concern was for their LGBTQ child here in Utah. Every one of them said their No. 1 concern was for their mental safety because of negative messages. Often LGBTQ youth are closeted, and we don't even realize the harm our words and attitudes are doing. In many cases, parents are unknowingly harming their own children. We do not need to agree on anything to be kind and inclusive.
Our country was founded on the importance of honoring all humanity regardless of differences. Charity, pure love, reaching out, kindness and empathy are at the core of all religions and something we should all agree on. Our youth need to see us have a variety of differences with people and still have good friendships and relationships with them.
Here are 10 things we can all do:
1. Stop and think before you talk or post something on social media. Speak up when others say something hurtful. Seemingly harmless words like "That's so gay" or jokes that put LGBTQ people, or any group, in a negative light do so much harm.
2. Make sure all family members know they are worthy of love and belonging as their birthright. It is not something that is earned or that can be taken away.
3. Psychological isolation is very damaging. Like all of us, LGBTQ family members need friends that understand them.
4. Praise every good thing no matter how small and avoid the negative.
5. Sincerely love and support all family members even if you are uncomfortable.
6. Do not assume a statement that a person is gay means they are sexually active. It is simply a statement of who they are attracted to.
7. It is important that family members and communities understand that difference don't prevent us from being good friends. Be open to friendships outside of your faith and normal social circles; include those that are LGBTQ. For us, these have made for close rewarding friendships.
8. Watch for signs of family members and others withdrawing. Although you may think you are loving, you may be sending a different message.
9. Help everyone see they can have a happy life even if it is different from the life you and they had previously imagined. What that life looks like needs to be their decision.
10. When a person comes out as LGBTQ, especially a young person to a parent, they are not looking for you to agree. They are asking if they are still loved. Assure them that they are.
Debra Oaks Coe, principal broker at Coe Realty, is a member of the executive committee of the Utah Commission for LGBT Suicide Awareness and Prevention.