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Religious leaders long have warned their flocks about the dangers of pornography and promiscuity, but in doing so they often failed to celebrate the joys of marital sex.
That's too bad, says Jennifer Finlayson-Fife, an LDS psychotherapist in Chicago, since there's so much to extol.
"Sexuality is a profound expression of yourself to another, a way of knowing and being known," she says. "It requires people to be comfortable with their bodies and with their sexuality."
And now some Christians are voicing the need to be more positive in their approaches.
Last week, according to The Washington Post, the influential pastor, Rick Warren, who wrote the best-selling The Purpose Driven Life, sent this message to his nearly 500,000 Twitter followers: "Husbands & wives should satisfy each other's sexual needs. 1 Corinthians 7:3."
Timothy Keller, pastor of Redeemer Presbyterian Church in New York, The Post reports, writes in the last chapter of his new book, The Meaning of Marriage, (written with his wife, Kathy) that "the greatest sexual pleasure should be the pleasure of seeing your spouse getting pleasure."
Mormon theology emphasizes the importance of human bodies, Finlayson-Fife says, so any discussion of marital love must begin with the premise that men and women are sexual beings and that sex within marriage is good
In the past, LDS leaders often emphasized that losing one's virginity outside of marriage was one of the worst possible sins, using metaphors of chewed gum and wilted rose petals to symbolize how unappealing such "fallen" women would appear to potential mates.
Today, says Finlayson-Fife, who wrote her doctoral dissertation on female sexuality in Mormonism, the church is doing a better job at giving positive messages about sex. She also applauds the Utah-based faith for holding men and women to the same standard of premarital chastity.
Unfortunately, too many LDS sermons, she says, continue to focus on the temptations and harms of unbridled sexuality and what not to do, especially before marriage.
Most Mormon couples, she says, get "precious little instruction about what good and healthy sex is and what that might mean in a marriage."
Finlayson-Fife says the message to men is: "You have to contain and manage your sexual desires. If you get to marriage, your reward will be eternal lovemaking with your wife."
Women get a different idea: "For you to be desirable, you have to make sure you don't go too far."
Mormon women then can see themselves not as actors but as acted upon, she says. They are often anxious about their own desires and don't know how to share those with their husbands.
When marriage arrives, these sexually inexperienced couples are supposed to throw off all their inhibitions and enjoy a full-throttled sex life. It doesn't always happen like that.
"A lot of women are comfortable with giving pleasure," Finlayson-Fife says, "but not with receiving it."
Finlayson-Fife, who led two workshops on sexuality in Utah this fall, encourages LDS couples she counsels to explore their bodies and different ways to find satisfaction.
"I help many women think about what experiences or narratives ignite their desire," she says. "Some women in the church are reading the Twilight books, and they find the story line allows them to connect to this important part of themselves."
Anything that helps married couples connect at a deeply intimate level is good, she says. That's what God wants.