This is an archived article that was published on sltrib.com in 2017, and information in the article may be outdated. It is provided only for personal research purposes and may not be reprinted.

A little over a year ago, to celebrate retirement from full-time work, I booked a trip to Europe. Days before my wife and I were set to leave, the attack on the Brussels airport and train station took place.

We canceled the trip. The terrorists won.

Chagrined at my lack of courage, I booked a trip to The Netherlands, Belgium, Paris and London a year later. We just returned. It was at times a surreal experience.

To be honest, I am not certain the terrorists still are not winning. Driving down the Champs Elysees in Paris, I looked down from the top of our bus on the memorial to the police officer killed by a terrorist. The flowers were old and wilted, but the wounds seemed fresh.

The day before, we took a train to the Versailles Palace. On the return to Paris, the train suddenly stopped for no apparent reason. Heavily armed police officers began going through the separate cars. Then we were told to leave the train. The police also looked on the tracks for something. Nothing was found, but it was a nervous ride back to Paris.

That was a sobering moment.

As a tourist, you feel so vulnerable on a crowded subway, in busy streets and in train stations and airports. You flinch when your bus drives over a London bridge where you think you are near the place where a terrorist ran over and killed a fellow Utahn trying to enjoy a vacation like you are.

You go through two thorough security checks to see the Eiffel Tower. You notice heavily armed police at Windsor Castle. And riding the London Underground at rush hour in a crowded train filled with strangers, you feel helpless.

Then, days after you return home, a terrorist sets up a deadly bomb outside an English arena that is about the same size as the one in Salt Lake where you have seen so many concerts and Jazz games. And so I think back to beautiful fall days at sold out Rice-Eccles Stadium filled with friends and remember the times I looked around and felt vulnerable.

You want to enjoy an outdoor concert at USANA with a granddaughter thrilled to see her favorite band live. But part of you wonders if the security is enough to prevent some sort of an attack, especially since you smell the pot and see the booze-filled flasks that easily escaped security.

So what, in a modern society, does a person do?

Do we hide in the security of our homes, venturing out only for big family events? Do we go on with our lives with the real logic that the chances of being in a terrorist attacks are minute and that we have a better chance getting struck by lightning or being killed in a car accident?

Do we look over our shoulder for bad guys when we attend a concert, go to a market, see a sporting event or visit a park, sometimes wrongly stereotyping people who look different than us as potential terrorists? Do we turn to lonely outdoor places to find peace, solace and fun?

The answers to some of these questions are not easy.

I choose to travel, to attend concerts and athletic events and live what is left of my life to the fullest. Still, in the back of my mind, there is always a measure of doubt and worry about my safety.

Because of that, I worry sometimes that the terrorists are winning many battles, if not the war.

Tom Wharton is a retired staff writer and outdoors editor for The Salt Lake Tribune.