This is an archived article that was published on sltrib.com in 2017, and information in the article may be outdated. It is provided only for personal research purposes and may not be reprinted.
Editor's Note: This is a satirical look at the Bears Ears controversy.
Interior Secretary Ryan Zinke on Monday recommended drastically shrinking the controversial Bears Ears National Monument, created in the closing days of President Barack Obama's presidency, and building a new Trump Resort and possibly a casino between the two iconic buttes.
Work on the new resort property could begin as early as fall, provided that President Donald Trump agrees with the recommendations, signs an executive order scaling back the monument and convinces his children who are managing the Trump properties to proceed with construction.
"During my recent trip to southern Utah, three things were made abundantly clear. First, this is a landscape of unimaginable beauty and sacred culturally significant sites that have been undisturbed for generations and, second, it would be a killer place for a five-star resort hotel," Zinke said. "I forgot the third thing."
The Trump Bears Ears Resort would be the 15th Trump property worldwide, the ninth in the United States and could serve as the so-called "Western White House" an alternative to the Mar-a-Lago resort in Florida that the president has dubbed the "Southern White House."
"This will be the best resort anywhere on earth, probably ever in all of recorded history. I assure you that. It's a big, big honor for the people of Utah to have this built in their state and they really, really should be grateful," Trump told reporters while waiting to tee off at Mar-a-Lago. "And it couldn't have happened without a great president, me, and a really tremendous real estate mogul who also happens to be me."
Preliminary drawings leaked to reporters show four championship golf courses, including a miniature golf course where guests will actually be able to putt balls directly through ancient American Indian ruins and over sacred burial sites.
A wide array of authentic Trump-branded prehistoric pottery, tools and clothes will be on sale at several of the boutiques at the location.
"We are really excited about this economic development opportunity," said San Juan County Commissioner Bruce Adams. "Not only has President Trump seen his way to undoing the egregious Obama land-grab, he has listened to the locals about the need for jobs. This is how we will make America and San Juan County great again."
When informed of the plans for the new Trump hotel, Steve Bloch, legal director with the Southern Utah Wilderness Alliance said a series of words that cannot be published here and smashed his computer. By press time, environmental groups had filed an unprecedented 79 lawsuits seeking to stop the project.
Zinke said he is confident the project will go forward, however.
"I'll tell you why, and the answer is one word: President Trump," he said. When asked if that is, in fact, two words, Zinke wagged his finger and said, "You be nice."
A spokesman for Dine Bikeyah, the coalition of tribes that had advocated for the creation of the Bears Ears Monument, did not comment on Trump's plans, although a single tear was seen rolling down his cheek.