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Salt Lake County Mayor Ben McAdams seems recently to have taken a line from the Eagles' classic "Hotel California" — "You can check out any time you like, but you can never leave."

In a tongue-in-cheek response to a satirical swat at Salt Lake City by The Onion, McAdams posted a piece this summer in a publication of Visit Salt Lake, which is the county's contractor for tourism development.

He jokingly proposed an ordinance that tourists never be allowed to leave, suggesting spikes be placed on all roads leading out of the city to puncture the tires of anyone trying to get away. He also "ordered" that all flights to Salt Lake City International Airport be just one way.

The article came in response to a video produced by The Onion that assured visitors to Salt Lake City that they could visit but were free to leave whenever they wanted.

"How are we expecting to increase revenue that way?" McAdams asked in his article. "The amount of revenue this new bill will generate in hotel and restaurant taxes will pay for the closing of all Salt Lake's exit routes almost immediately. Keeping visitors here indefinitely will help secure our-already thriving economy."

I have a satirical amendment to McAdams' satirical recommendation: Instead of keeping tourists from leaving at all, allow one exit road into Utah County. Then they'll immediately want to come back to Salt Lake County and never leave again.

Geography lesson for elephants • The Colorado Republican Party "Official Independent Expenditure Committee" recently launched a website to advertise that state's GOP with such slogans as "Standing Together on Principle" and "Working to Restore Republican Values to Colorado."

The slogans are superimposed over pictures of the beautiful landscape.

But there is one little problem: the pictures are of Utah's Monument Valley.

The mistake was outed — not by Democrats, but by fellow Republicans — and then slammed publicly by the conservative wing, before the photos were quickly removed.

Geography lessons for singers • In the national newspaper insert American Profile, which came with Monday's Salt Lake Tribune, singer Kenny Rogers was featured in one interview.

Asked: "What's your favorite place to get away from it all?"

His answer: "Lake Powell in California. It's where six states corner. It's really the Grand Canyon with water in it. It's the most beautiful place I've ever seen."

So Colorado is trying to take credit for our Monument Valley and the "Ruby Don't Take Your Love to Town" guy wants to give California credit for Lake Powell.

No wonder Utah conservatives fear Common Core is a plot by outsiders to undermine our values.

Utah hero • Here is a belated congratulations to retired Air Force Lt. Col. Jay Hess, a former POW during the Vietnam War who was honored Sept. 22 with a new hall dedicated in his name at the Utah Military Academy in Riverdale, near Hill Air Force Base.

Rep. Rob Bishop, R-Utah, was a special guest honoring Hess, who was unaware that the hall was going to be named after him when he was invited to the school.

A fighter pilot, Hess was shot down over North Vietnam in his F-105 Thunderchief and spent more than five years as a prisoner in the infamous Hanoi Hilton with Sen. John McCain, R-Ariz.

Hess has been a mentor for instructors in the Junior ROTC program in Utah, according to a news release from the school.

The academy's main hall is now officially Hess Hall. A replica of the Hanoi Hilton cell he lived in has been built and will be a permanent display there, along with a written account of his POW story.

The Utah Military Academy is a new public charter school. Serving 310 cadets in grades seven through 12, UMA is a rare, full-time, STEM College Prep military academy.

Fewer than a dozen of these models operate nationwide, and it is only the third in the West. UMA cadets hold rank, wear uniforms and are subjected to the same culture that exists in Colorado Springs, West Point and Annapolis, the release said.