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To: Lindsay Lohan, actress, c/o Promises Treatment Center, Malibu, Calif.

From: Sean P. Means, movie critic, Salt Lake City, Utah

Lindsay:

So, how are you doing?

Not so good, I know. You were arrested Tuesday morning for DUI for the second time in two months, and the cops found cocaine in your pocket. You were ridiculed on "The Tonight Show," as Rob Schneider wore a blond wig, a dress and an alcohol-monitoring ankle bracelet to make fun of you. And you saw your latest movie, the exploitative and stupid thriller "I Know Who Killed Me," open in theaters and, mercifully, sink without a trace.

Buck up, Lindsay. There are people who care about you. People who don't dismiss you as a walking joke (like Paris Hilton or Nicole Richie) because they saw "Mean Girls" and "Freaky Friday" and they know you have real talent, and don't want to see that talent go to waste.

So what's the next Step? Here are 12 of them:

Step 1: Get better.

Before anything else, kick your demons. Take rehab seriously this time.

Step 2: Stay out of the public eye.

Right now, every paparazzi photo, every e-mail to "Access Hollywood" is working against you. The image America has of you is your latest mug shot, looking dazed and blotchy. You're not going to erase that image soon, so don't even try.

Step 3: Apply Step 2 to your parents.

If they really care about you, they'll stop trying to ride your coattails and concentrate on helping you.

Step 4: Delete two-thirds of the names in your BlackBerry.

Start an inventory of your friends. Who are the real friends? Who are the hangers-on and fame junkies? Keep the first group, jettison the second.

Step 5: Take a long break from movies.

The state of California may make this a given. If the courts don't give you time off, the industry might.

As Bernie Brillstein, the veteran talent manager, told The New York Times this week, "I believe she's uninsurable. And when you're uninsurable in this town, you're done." The fate of your next film, the dark comedy "Poor Things," is very much in doubt.

This doesn't have to be a permanent situation. Look at Robert Downey Jr. A few years ago, when he was bouncing between rehab and jail, jobs got scarce and studios wouldn't trust him with a big-budget movie. Now that he's cleaned up, he's starring in next summer's superhero movie "Iron Man" - a role he wouldn't have been considered for in his down days.

Step 6: Say goodbye to Disney roles.

You turned 21 on July 2, Lindsay. Shia LaBeouf ("Transformers") turned 21 on June 11. But Shia still makes a believable high school student, at least in movies, where you can't pull off that particular trick anymore - not with all we have seen of your personal life in the tabloids and on the E! network.

Step 7: Step up to adult roles.

When one door closes, another opens. Channel your life experience into a gritty role, possibly in a low-budget indie.

Step 8: Revise your work habits.

Show up to the set on time, and come prepared. In a recent interview, you declared "everything is on set," and that you never study your scripts. Break that habit.

Step 9: No exploitation pictures.

Drew Barrymore, another child star who grew up too fast, went through a lot of crappy exploitation films ("Doppelganger," "Poison Ivy") and bit roles ("Batman Forever") before winning us over again in a string of romantic comedies. Try to skip the exploitation part, or at least make it as short as possible.

Step 10: Engineer your comeback.

A confessional interview will probably be a must - shoot for Oprah, settle for Diane Sawyer. Give the magazine interview to Vanity Fair, not Maxim. Stay classy.

Step 11: Never go on "The Tonight Show" again.

Always keep in mind who had your back in the rough times, and who hit you when you were down. Remember the Rob Schneider stunt, and punish them for it.

Step 12: Hire a driver.

OK, so this one's a no-brainer.

Get well soon, Lindsay.

Sincerely,

Sean P. Means

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* SEAN P. MEANS writes the daily blog, "The Movie Cricket," at www.blogs. sltrib.com/ movies. Send questions or comments to Sean P. Means, movie critic, The Salt Lake Tribune, 90 S. 400 West, Suite 700, Salt Lake City, UT 84101, or e-mail at movies@sltrib.com.