Home » News
Home » News

Ann Cannon: Stuff I don't get, part 1

Published January 19, 2017 9:28 am
This is an archived article that was published on sltrib.com in 2017, and information in the article may be outdated. It is provided only for personal research purposes and may not be reprinted.

I've decided to devote several columns in 2017 to the following subject: Stuff I don't get, as in why?

Why, for instance, doesn't somebody take Donald Trump's phone away from him between the hours of 10 p.m. and 7 a.m.? Why can't the new president watch "Modern Family" late-night reruns like the rest of us instead of tweeting? SAD.

If somebody took Trump's phone away during the evening hours, the world might breathe a little easier. But whatever. That's not my point today.

Today I'm trying to understand why keyless cars are a good idea.

You know what I'm talking about, right? Those cars that start up when you push a button, as long as you have the key fob somewhere on your person?

And that's my question. Why do the keys have to be somewhere on your person instead of in the ignition, which is where Nature always intended keys to be? Come on! What is so hard about putting a key in the ignition and just leaving it there until you get to Fresh Donut and Deli on State Street?

I had my first Keyless Car Experience this past summer when I drove my parents to Las Vegas and back.

Frankly, I was surprised that they even owned a keyless car. I had visions of my mom dropping my dad off at the golf course with the keys in HIS pocket, not hers. Which actually happened. A lot.

The drive to Vegas, however, went fine (not counting the part where my parents forgot I'm not 16 anymore), mostly because we remembered that the keys were always in my dad's pocket. Still, I wasn't in a hurry to own a keyless car myself after that experience.

Fast forward to now. After putting 200,000 miles on our old car, my husband and I just purchased a new (used) vehicle and guess what. It's keyless!

Which is a problem for me. A stupid First World problem, I realize, but still. Somehow from Point A to Point B, I always forget where I stuck the key fob. In my purse? In the side pocket of the door? In the back pocket of my jeans? In the glove compartment? On the passenger seat? On the dashboard? On the floorboard? It takes me forever to leave my car once I've parked.

Yes. I know what I need to do. Put the key fob in the same place every time. Like the ignition, for example. Oh, wait! NO LONGER POSSIBLE!

Here's the other (First World) problem I have. Once I find the fob, I sometimes forget to turn off the car. I walk away from the car with its engine still humming like a tenor in a barbershop quartet.

Of course this can happen with regular cars. I had a high-school friend who locked his keys in his car with the motor still running, then watched an entire state playoff basketball game at the Huntsman Center before realizing what he'd done.

(For the record, this friend was not named "Gigi Ballif." Gigi Ballif is the friend who accidentally jumped the driving range curb and laid out a tree while our driver's ed teacher, Mr. Moon, looked on in horror.)

Anyway, when I took our new car in for an oil change today, I asked the attendant what the point of cars going key-free was.

He looked at me like I was an old person. Which I am.

"Convenience," he said.

Well, duh. How did I not know that, because technology ALWAYS makes everything more convenient.


Ann Cannon can be reached at acannon@sltrib.com or facebook.com/anncannontrib.






Reader comments on sltrib.com are the opinions of the writer, not The Salt Lake Tribune. We will delete comments containing obscenities, personal attacks and inappropriate or offensive remarks. Flagrant or repeat violators will be banned. If you see an objectionable comment, please alert us by clicking the arrow on the upper right side of the comment and selecting "Flag comment as inappropriate". If you've recently registered with Disqus or aren't seeing your comments immediately, you may need to verify your email address. To do so, visit disqus.com/account.
See more about comments here.
comments powered by Disqus