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Ann Cannon: Smile! A Saturday adventure with the Easter Bunny and Tinkerbell

Published April 13, 2017 9:45 am
This is an archived article that was published on sltrib.com in 2017, and information in the article may be outdated. It is provided only for personal research purposes and may not be reprinted.

What to do on a Saturday when you're an empty-nester in 25 easy steps:

1. Yay! It's Saturday! And now that all your kids have grown up and moved out, you're totally free to do whatever you want!

2. This wasn't true back in the day. You spent Saturday mornings going to soccer games and baseball games and football games. Also, you went to the grocery store on Saturday mornings when you suddenly went "YIKES! It's my turn to bring the treats!"

3. So then you raced to the store and bought healthy crap like oranges so the other parents wouldn't judge you for bringing unhealthy crap like Twinkies. Which is what you'd choose to eat instead of stupid oranges if you were a kid. But you buy fruit. Buying Fruit = Responsible Parenting.

4. Now that your own kids are gone, you watch your neighbors load their kids in the car and feel happy that those days are in your rearview mirror.

5. Mostly. The truth is you sometimes feel nostalgic for those days.

6. Also, what are you going to do with yourself on a Saturday? You could clean the house but blech. Where's the fun in that?

7. Then you remember that when you were at PetSmart last week, a guy handed you a flier saying that the Easter Bunny would be there on Saturday so you could have your dog take a picture with him.

8. "Wait," I said to the guy. "The Easter Bunny?"

9. "Yeah," said the guy. "It'll be me in an Easter Bunny suit."

10. "Was that part in the job description?" I asked. "You dressing up like a big rabbit?"

11. "It'll be fun!" he said. "You and your dog should come!"

12. It's Saturday now, so I say to my husband, "How about we take our Newfoundland named Tinkerbell to get her picture taken with the Easter Bunny today?" My husband doesn't even act like this sounds weird. He just says, "OK. Why not?"

13. So we put Tinkerbell in the car and drive to PetSmart so she can have her picture taken with the Easter Bunny.

14. We don't tell her that it's not the real Easter Bunny. What she doesn't know won't hurt her.

15. When we get there we see other people who want their dogs to have pictures taken with the Easter Bunny, too.

16. The lady in front of us has two little dogs dressed in shirts. The Easter Bunny sits them on his Easter Bunny lap and makes those little dogs wave their paws at us. Wave! Wave! Wave!

17. Their legs aren't very long, so those little dogs look like they're waving at us with tiny T-Rex arms. Wave! Wave! Wave!

18. And now it's our turn. Yay!

19. Except Tinkerbell is suddenly wondering what the hell we are doing here with a fake rabbit the size of a human being. She starts acting like a calf in a calf-roping contest. GET ME OUT OF HERE!

20. Luckily, I have excellent calf roping skills. Soon, Tinkerbell and I are ready to pose for the camera.

21. Do you mind if I sit in your lap, I ask the Easter Bunny. I think the picture will look better if we all get cozy.

22. The Easter Bunny doesn't say anything.

23. Maybe he doesn't say anything because he wants to stay in character. Or possibly he thinks I'm hitting on him.

24. Dude oughta realize I'm married. And even if I weren't, I've always made it a point not to date large rabbits.

25. Finally our picture gets taken! Just in time for me and mine to wish you and yours a fine Easter weekend.

Ann Cannon can be reached at acannon@sltrib.com or facebook.com/anncannontrib.






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