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Ask Ann Cannon: Keep calm and unfriend? #whydopeoplehavetobesodifficult

Published April 18, 2017 9:15 am
This is an archived article that was published on sltrib.com in 2017, and information in the article may be outdated. It is provided only for personal research purposes and may not be reprinted.

Dear Ann Cannon • I recently discovered a professional acquaintance I have always trusted had created and passed a falsehood about my work history to another group with which I regularly do business. This fiction goes to the core of my reputation and could truly harm my relationship with the group. I confronted the source of the tale directly with a phone call. She acknowledged her wrongdoing and apologized, then quickly added, "but I really think you are overreacting and blowing this out of proportion." I told her otherwise. We ended the conversation on a calm note, yet I feel deeply dissatisfied with her #sorrynotsorry and am still angry. Should I pursue anything else with her?

— Like I Said, Still Angry

Dear Still Angry • You don't need me to validate your anger, but I am going to validate your anger anyway. You have a right to be REALLY unhappy with this acquaintance. I also think you were smart to confront her and to hold your ground when she attempted to minimize what she had done. And kudos to you for staying calm. In my experience, blowing up at someone makes it easier for that person to dismiss your concerns, no matter how legitimate they may be.

Should you follow up with her? You get to decide, of course. However, I would offer this word of caution: Sometimes you infuse new life into a situation (which may not be in your best interest) if you continue to pursue it. Meanwhile, I would keep a polite, professional distance from this individual. #whydopeoplehavetobesodifficult

Dear Ann Cannon • A month ago I realized that someone had unfriended me on Facebook. I sent them a message letting them know I noticed and asked them why. They said that they didn't have room in their lives for whiny white women who portray themselves as victims. Looking through my feed, I could only surmise that they were referring to my posts about the Women's March. So I shrugged, wished them a good life, and left it alone. So, today I opened Facebook and saw a friend request from this person. What?! How am I supposed to respond to that?

— Unfriended

Dear Unfriended • I have the sense that you'd rather not let this person back into your Facebook life. Am I right? There's no law that says you have to, so feel free to ignore the friendship request and move on.

Meanwhile, I think this message our Tribune columnist friend Robert Kirby posts on his Facebook wall bears repeating. I share it with his permission.

"This page is mine. Pretend it's my house. It's not a democracy and it's not a gathering on a public street. If what appears in my house bothers you to the point of rudeness or discomfort, please feel free to leave. In fact, I encourage you to unfriend, unfollow or even block me. If you stay and it's clear that you're not enjoying the party, or your posts are discourteous to anyone here, I'll do that for you. The internet is huge. There are plenty of places to rail against me and my guests. My house isn't one of them."

Dear Ann Cannon • My husband says he won't drink Diet Coke because it's for girls. He'll only drink Coke Zero. I think he's being reductive, silly and kind of sexist. What do you think?

— Surprised by My Guy

Dear Surprised • As a lifelong Dr Pepper drinker (cold in a can) (not diet), I think people should be able to freely drink whatever soda they want to drink. You can tell your husband for me, however, that until the day he died, my dad drank Diet Coke. #notagirl

Do you have a question for Ann? Send it to askann@sltrib.com or visit the Ask Ann Cannon page on Facebook.






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