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Cannon: Football and PacMan? Superfans are full of wisdom

Published September 17, 2011 8:14 am
This is an archived article that was published on sltrib.com in 2011, and information in the article may be outdated. It is provided only for personal research purposes and may not be reprinted.

Our son Dylan recently started a blog so that he, his brothers and assorted male friends can carry on (and on and on and on) about sports without making their wives' eyeballs spin around in their sockets like cherries in a slot machine.

Actually, I thought this was a very smart move on his part because if you are not a superfan, living with a superfan is hard. When our boys were living at home (this is the truth), I used to hide the TV remotes before big games because whenever their teams took a turn for the worse, my boys would start lobbing those remotes around the family room like Molotov cocktails, even though it says right there in the remote control operator manual that you should never throw one at your brother's head.

But whatever.

I especially liked our son Phil's post called "Everything I Know About Football Strategy, I Learned from PacMan." Some of the lessons gleaned?

1 • Practice misdirection.

2 • Know your opponent.

3 • When in doubt, go for the safe points.

4 • Hit 'em while they're down.

5 • "See" the field.

6 • Going to the corners is ALWAYS a good thing.

7 • Speed is good, reaction time is better.

8 • Use your blocks.

9 • Small points add up.

10 • Big points come few and far between ... capitalize when the opportunity to make them presents itself.

Memo to Football Coaches of America: Dudes, if you want a winning team, turn the weight room into a PacMan Arcade. You're welcome.

I've started contributing to Dylan's blog as a roving fashion reporter, because although Phil has learned a lot about football by playing PacMan, I have learned a lot about "what not to wear" by watching football. It's true!

Who knew, right? But it's true! Here are a few observations:

1 • If you want your gams to look longer, you should make sure your shoes and socks are the same color. Everybody knows that white socks and black shoes break the line of the leg.

2 • Tight pants do, in fact, make your rear end look bigger.

3 • Which isn't always a bad thing.

4 • It all depends on who's wearing those tight pants. Obviously!

5 • A fussy print can be an eyeful.

6 • Witness Maryland's new jerseys in their season opener against Miami, for example.

7 • On the other hand, I personally thought those jerseys were kind of awesome.

8 • Even if they made all the players look like French harlequins.

9 • Really, really ripped French harlequins.

10 • But then who doesn't love a ripped French harlequin?

11 • I liked Maryland's cleats, too.

12 • But then who doesn't love a cleat that dares to be both bold and sassy?

13 • People who say you shouldn't wear white after Labor Day are wrong, wrong, wrong. (College football teams everywhere do it all the time.)

14 • On the other hand, belly shirts are never a good look before OR after Labor Day.

15 • The same can be said about brown polyester. Sorry about that, University of Wyoming!

There's more I could say on the subject. Much more. But hey! There's that game thing starting in Utah County soon, so I'm signing off for now.

See you in the bleachers.

Ann Cannon can be reached at acannon@sltrib.com or facebook.com/columnistcannon.






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